I had this false idea when I was going through all of my treatments that once I was done I was going to just rise up like a rocket ship!
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....Blast off!
That wasn't exactly how it went. It was much more like learning how to drive stick shift... stop- start...stop...start..
JOLT forward..stop...start...STALL STALL STALL! (Side note I will never forget my boyfriend at age 16 teaching me how to drive a stick shift...and to think he still
Married me!) ANYWAYS, The “get up and go” that I had hoped for when getting back into the gym just
It wasn't a state of mind; my body physically just could not do it. This discouraged me...
After my last, reconstruction surgery I had lost mobility in my arm and shoulder blades again. Scar tissue was horrible and the webbing cords and lymphedema were painful. It was then I met an angel on earth...Lisa Shaw who took me and some friends (Lauren and Jacqui) under her wings.
These mighty souls taught me through yoga practice that my perception of getting better wasn’t meeting goals of higher ability BUT RATHER it is about honoring my body for what it can do (or not do) in that very day, and even in that very moment. The only goal was to actually get on the mat and “do” the practice...and of course breatheeeee.
I take this lesson, of gentle awareness for where I’m at in the moment vs being discouraged, into various areas into my life. I will forever keep my yoga practice with Be Well Yoga. Every yoga class we receive an intention to focus on. The one below is a keeper! Thank you for helping me live out the truth that “Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear a path”.
In addition, I am happy to announce my return home to 181 Gym!!! I am so ready to add in this very specialize, knowledgeable, skillful, heart filled program ...slowly, deliberately and consistently back into my life. Remembering that much like a stick shift car sometimes 1st gear is best, other times 5th gear—some times 1st the 2nd then 1st again...in honor of where my body is in that particular day.
Waking up for this mornings workout at 181 Fitness was difficult I felt like I was in reverse! ! The rap sheet of diagnosis I work through to get my body rehabilitated is a BIG undertaking.
You see, this body I live in has been estimated to be 60-65 years old due to being aggressively chemo infused, radiated; having 5 surgeries; with secondary agranulocytosis, neuropathy, neutropenia, lymphedema, axillary web syndrome and osteopenia. Sprinkle this with a forever healing broken foot, inability to regulate body temperature, bifocal wearing, overnight menopause and zero immune system...not to mention the ongoing medications that people take after cancer, the nerve damage, pec muscles that have been surgically cut in half, non-moving shoulder blades and a radically radiated surgical site that is slowly opening...
But I am up for the challenge! And so is my extraordinary coach/181 owner Andy!
Those thoughts that want to defeat me must get behind me and perseverance must fiercely rises up to keep moving me forward. I purpose to filter every thought that comes in my mind and only those that fuel me are permitted to enter.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
And I remember my Mama’s testimony of healing...wherein she grew by following her mantra to “show up and look alert!”
I used to view working out as self seeking and selfish. But it has been revealed to me that working out, as well as resting, is actually worship to God. And over time I have learn to have gratitude, to listen, to love, and to honor my body in a new way.
And to remember self care is sacred.
I keep this photo I took at a beautiful healing yoga retreat that Be Well Yoga sponsored me to be at:
Rest is worship. Self care is worship.
Totally contrary to the way I operate.
Life changing perspectives for this go, go, go girl.
So yes, now I choose to be deeply grateful that I CAN struggle through a work out.
I just had to learn to honor my body and what wasn't a reality for me at the moment. I am learning to be okay with that.
I love this sign that hangs on the wall at 181
Discouraged? Yep, I’ve been there...
Grieving a life change; I understand...
You will find a new normal...one step at a time.
*** Hear this*** RESILIENCE WILL RISE UP WITHIN YOU AND WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD EVER HANDLE YOU WILL FIND SILENT STRENGTH AND NEW PEACE IN.
-Don’t be discouraged if your "lift off" was more of a jolt and a stall. Keep getting up. KEEP GOING.
-Just show up and look alert.
-Sometimes we find our usefulness when we rest.
-Make a promise to make self care sacred.
-Find joy in the whatever your ability for the day is.
-Find gratitude in the struggle because it means you have air in your lungs to struggle.
-And protect the thoughts that are true and praiseworthy from the battlefield in your mind
-Start today at whatever your ability is at.
-God's power is made perfect in your weakness. When you are weak HE IS STRONG.